What happened to a good hand shake?

[ramjet]

As far as youth I am a big fan of parents in the stands let the coaches coach.

[imnofish]

As far as youth I am a big fan of parents in the stands let the coaches coach.

Absolutely agree! 

[bigG]

I have been immersed in Wrestling for the past 54 years and I've never seen a high school coach refuse to shake an opposing wrestler's hand.  I did hear of one such incident about 40 years ago (the wrestler was my brother and the head coach was our father), but they didn't make a big deal about it.  However, when it comes to fathers coaching in youth programs, I have seen some pretty hot tempers displayed toward my son after a win...   and he wasn't even approaching the "coach."  I always responded by stepping between the man and my son, putting an arm around my boy's shoulders, and silently walking him away from the aggressor.  One of them followed along and kept screaming at us.  He was promptly expelled from the tournament, though.  Based on these experiences, I don't recommend having youth wrestlers shake opposing coaches' hands, because there is just too much emotion involved.  As for high school wrestlers, I think it's a very safe bet that the coaches will act like mature adults toward any competitor extending his hand.

Sadly, I've had a coach refuse to shake my hand after a huge dual win. After awhile he settled down and we chatted and made good. Not many sports get as heated when the competition gets tough. I get how emotional it is. Still, it pays to eat some grr and do what's right in the end.

[herewego]

I've seen plenty of coaches that will either be talking to their wrestler after a loss and not even look at the opponent when they come to shake the coaches hand after a match or the coach is just too upset about a loss and not even look at the wrestler when shaking their hand......great idea to not shake the opponent coaches' hand after the match.  In youth wrestling, unfortunately most dads have to be coaching their kids since there isn't enough youth coaches to spread around at a tournament.  Too many parents can't handle it when their kid loses and don't properly shake the opposing kids hand.  Wrestlers shaking each other's hand before/after the match is where it should end. 

[bigG]

I'm good with that. Wrestling does OD on the shaking thing.

[imnofish]

Lots of great personal insights here.  One common thread among the comments (including mine) is that we remember the outliers who fail the sportsmanship test, after competition.  However, the truth is that the vast majority of coaches, fans, and athletes still do the right thing.  This trend is the same throughout every sport in the broad spectrum of athletic competition, ranging from youth to high school, international, and professional.  No matter which sport or level, we have a choice to make.  Do we lower expectations, or raise them?  Based on how we collectively answer that question, what lessons will athletes learn and what examples will we, as adults, provide in this process?  With that in mind, what are your school districts and conferences doing to promote better sportsmanship among all present at athletic events?

[Oldtimer]

I'm probably in the minority here but I don't really have an issue with the hand slap vs hand shake as a show of respect.  I think that is the current generation's method of showing respect.  I see it at all levels.  However, I believe the rule book requires a hand shake.

There's a difference between an informal hand slap of congratulations and a dismissive hand slap of "since I've gotta do this" ... and it's very evident in the attitude conveyed.  But since that allows for degrees of acceptability/interpretation ... a proper handshake is the only way to convey proper sportsmanship.

Coaches should insist on it.  It falls under the category of team discipline.

I do agree that how the hand is slapped is reflective of attitude, however, you can also argue that how the handshake is done is a reflection of attitude.  IMO it's the attitude that matters, not whether it's a handslap, handshake, knuckles or whatever.  Respect is respect.  Lack of respect is reflected in handshakes also.

[Oldtimer]

As far as youth I am a big fan of parents in the stands let the coaches coach.

Absolutely agree! 

Dontcha just love it when the parent in the stands is yelling out moves and strategies louder than the coach?  It was so hard for me to go from coaching the kid to shutting up but it was the right thing to do.

[dman]

How about coaching in a high school tournament and the parents/fan from the opposing team comes down to the corner you are coaching in and are yelling over the top of you for their athlete.  Got in a heated discussion with a mom and dad who was doing that while I was coaching as I told them to not stand in the opposing teams corner...they really didn't see why it was a problem.

[ramjet]

How about coaching in a high school tournament and the parents/fan from the opposing team comes down to the corner you are coaching in and are yelling over the top of you for their athlete.  Got in a heated discussion with a mom and dad who was doing that while I was coaching as I told them to not stand in the opposing teams corner...they really didn't see why it was a problem.

yikes   

[Willie]

How about coaching in a high school tournament and the parents/fan from the opposing team comes down to the corner you are coaching in and are yelling over the top of you for their athlete.  Got in a heated discussion with a mom and dad who was doing that while I was coaching as I told them to not stand in the opposing teams corner...they really didn't see why it was a problem.

Had this happen many times. If they don't move on after the first suggestion to I will causally stand up out of my chair in front of them. And actually had them yell back at me to sit down that I was blocking their view.
Also have had the parents that need to follow their kids and sit in the front row where our wrestlers sit. Which ok doesn't really bother me but when one of our wrestlers get done our kids stand up to congratulate them. Had parents yell at and even grab our kids saying that they were blocking their view.

[npope]

I was reffing a spring freestyle tournament one time (pro bono) and had this mother sitting in the front row of  the bleachers yelling constantly about this and that. When the wrestlers went off the mat near her I walked over to her and tossed her my whistle and said, "Your turn."

She was a bit stunned and gave me the whistle back and shut up. Perhaps the most seminal moment in my life.

[imnofish]

I was reffing a spring freestyle tournament one time (pro bono) and had this mother sitting in the front row of  the bleachers yelling constantly about this and that. When the wrestlers went off the mat near her I walked over to her and tossed her my whistle and said, "Your turn."

She was a bit stunned and gave me the whistle back and shut up. Perhaps the most seminal moment in my life.

AWESOME!  AS A FORMER REF, I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE THAT!

[imwi]

I was reffing a spring freestyle tournament one time (pro bono) and had this mother sitting in the front row of  the bleachers yelling constantly about this and that. When the wrestlers went off the mat near her I walked over to her and tossed her my whistle and said, "Your turn."

She was a bit stunned and gave me the whistle back and shut up. Perhaps the most seminal moment in my life.

I've heard this story, didn't really believe it was true, guess it was, good for you

[Mack]

Who isn't entertained by a story of poor sportsmanship?  You get to tell yourself...well, at least I'm not as bad as that guy/gal. 

Here are a few things I have taken to heart over the last couple of decades as a parent/mom/fan:

1. Don't yell any specific instruction you are not 100% sure you can pull off under the exact same circumstances (never yell instructions).

2. Wrestlers are kids, and should be afforded the grace to make mistakes and learn from them.

3. Parents are adults, and make mistakes. You can't punch them.

4. When my son loses, under no circumstances should I mention anything out loud about his cold, pulled ham string, or lack of a good night's sleep.

5. For the love of god, never yell "come to mamma" when your son is about to turn his opponent in your direction.  You will permanently damage the ear drums of everyone around you (I have scars).

6. If your family can't laugh/talk/have fun within 8 hours of a loss, you're being way too serious, and there's a decent chance you're missing the whole point.

So many lessons I've learned.  I'll stop there. Enjoy your kids and teams, friends!