Are you as dumb as me?

bigG · November 12, 2014, 08:28:54 AM

Ram's hardware thread got me to thinking about those little life-lessons I seem to have to learn , over and over, year after year.

Every few months, I have to relearn that:

Fire is hot. It burns.

Some places even a 5'9" man can smack his head. That can leave a lump.

When splitting wood (maul) always check for clothes lines and other lower hanging stuff. When I was 9 I KOed myself because of a clothes line and errant sledgehammer. Told my mom I fell off the monkey bars.

Use those legs when you lift, dipstick. Hurt back lasts a long time.

When one uses the weed eater anywhere near poison ivy, one should definitely wear pants. No matter how hot it is, shorts will not do. Even if you can walk through an acre of the stuff and not itch, you'll find the freshly trimmed leaves/steams something you'll hope to avoid in the future. Not this guy! No sir! Too tough for that action.

Dang I'm stupid.

I could come up with some-odd 10,000 more lessons I don't seem to learn so well, but I'd like to hear how stupid some of you gents are.

In the end, I'm still a happy man, and provide many hours of priceless entertainment to family and friends without even really trying. Just gotta be me, and the laughs follow.

How stupid are you?

ramjet · November 12, 2014, 08:33:25 AM

wow that knife is sharp. 🔪

bigG · November 12, 2014, 09:01:28 AM

LOL! Whenever my son burns himself, I'll now sarcastically say "fire...hot."

Sometime in September I cut myself pretty well dicing habaneros (double bad). And , as I stood there (my usual dumb look) trying to stop the bleeding (stuck pig), he said "knife...sharp." I repeated "mm...knife..sharp." Then I included "hot pepper...HOT."

Wise acre and all, good to have another caveman to share with.

Live and learn, or live and pay. You choose!

tess5 · November 12, 2014, 09:09:46 AM

I have been a welder for 30 years and to this day if it is not red i must not be hot................ yah still hot!!!!!!!!!

bigG · November 12, 2014, 09:14:22 AM

THAT is priceless.

I bet we all have to learn the hot pizza rule every month or so. Still, we must like pickin' at all that dead skin on the roof of our mouths or we wouldn't bite into it right away.

Dale Einerson · November 12, 2014, 09:45:37 AM

Speaking of dumb...

Was attending a Halloween Party a couple weeks back, fully embraced the theme of Zombie Luau. However, I had to one-up that and I went as a Zombied out, luaued (as if that is a word) Richard Simmons. Spandex shorts, tank top, blond curly wig with head band. I thought I had pulled it off pretty successfully, but when I walked in the party and everyone knew who I was coming as, if that is success, then I achieved it.

So, the party organizer has us going around the city on a scavenger hunt. The first clue was verbal, the next clue was picked up at the site. It was a blast. But my team and I were struggling on the verbal clue "For what ails you," we didn't find the clue at the correct site, CVS, so I suggested we go to a redneck bar closest to the starting point, next to the CVS, suggest the verbal clue might be "for what ales you." Turns out, I outsmarted myself.

When I walked in the bar, populated with about 80 guys in camo and orange, to say there was an uproar would be understating it. It seemed like a long walk to the bartender, where I asked, "Do you have a clue for a scavenger hunt." The guy turned his back on me and walked away. Then I noticed 3 guys get up on the other side of the bar and start walking in my direction. What did I do? I started dancing like an aerobics instructor, I went with it, and I yelled "work with me people, work with me!" Everybody busted a gut, got a huge cheer, and I skedaddled, told the team to hurry up and get in the Prius, we went back to CVS and found our clue. No cuts, no bruises, no burns, but very red faced.

ramjet · November 12, 2014, 11:13:38 AM

Dale you are starting to worry me............🃏😃

Dale Einerson · November 12, 2014, 02:39:37 PM

Hey Ram, I tried writing a legible complaint in your posted box, but, can't be done...

ramjet · November 12, 2014, 02:54:16 PM

😄😄😄😄

bigG · November 12, 2014, 06:09:58 PM

"for what ales you."

One might incorrectly call this a "Freudian" slip. No way, this is a zymergic slip, of which I am equally guilty.

Didja stay to blow the froth of one or two, Richard? The conversation just comes to you when they realize you're human.

Well-painted scene, though.

maggie · November 13, 2014, 07:30:18 AM

bigG · November 13, 2014, 10:22:59 AM

Common, Mag, open up! What kind of dumb things have you done?

bigG · November 13, 2014, 08:32:55 PM

Quote from: Dale Einerson on November 12, 2014, 09:45:37 AM
Speaking of dumb...

Was attending a Halloween Party a couple weeks back, fully embraced the theme of Zombie Luau. However, I had to one-up that and I went as a Zombied out, luaued (as if that is a word) Richard Simmons. Spandex shorts, tank top, blond curly wig with head band. I thought I had pulled it off pretty successfully, but when I walked in the party and everyone knew who I was coming as, if that is success, then I achieved it.

So, the party organizer has us going around the city on a scavenger hunt. The first clue was verbal, the next clue was picked up at the site. It was a blast. But my team and I were struggling on the verbal clue "For what ails you," we didn't find the clue at the correct site, CVS, so I suggested we go to a redneck bar closest to the starting point, next to the CVS, suggest the verbal clue might be "for what ales you." Turns out, I outsmarted myself.

When I walked in the bar, populated with about 80 guys in camo and orange, to say there was an uproar would be understating it. It seemed like a long walk to the bartender, where I asked, "Do you have a clue for a scavenger hunt." The guy turned his back on me and walked away. Then I noticed 3 guys get up on the other side of the bar and start walking in my direction. What did I do? I started dancing like an aerobics instructor, I went with it, and I yelled "work with me people, work with me!" Everybody busted a gut, got a huge cheer, and I skedaddled, told the team to hurry up and get in the Prius, we went back to CVS and found our clue. No cuts, no bruises, no burns, but very red faced.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/celebrity/richard-simmons-has-withdrawn-from-friends-has-debilitating-depression/ar-BBdyQik?ocid=iehp

You sure this ain't you?

Not poking fun at depression, though. Scary thing in real life.

littleguy301 · November 16, 2014, 08:44:13 PM

I have worked asphalt now for 22 years but at some point of any given year I for some strange reason will pick up a hand full of hot mix with my bare hand and burn myself. As I type my index finger still has a scab but is doing much better

I can proudly say "moron" and say it directly to me

littleguy301 · November 16, 2014, 08:46:59 PM

I thought I have learned one lesson and for years I have done well but just lately I sat down on the Ferguson and did some business only to look over and NO TOILET PAPER! Man I thought that was the first thing for years I did, look for toilet paper and then put the lid down. I thought it was repetition and ingrained in my head but I guess not.