Thoughts from a parent of a wrestler-the greatest sport

coastguard · February 05, 2018, 03:29:12 PM

It is crazy to think how fast the time has gone for my time as a wrestling parent. I was a Head Coach when my son was younger and I brought him with me to camps, freestyle tournaments and most club practices. He did not officially start wrestling in the club until 3rd grade. The first few years we went to just a couple tournaments each year and increased once he got into middle school. He had fun, met great friends and even starting doing extra club practices in late middle school. Fast forward a few years and I am no longer the coach (Principal)...Once he got into high school, he continued to play 3 sports with wrestling being one of them. He did a little bit of freestyle, but decided that he did not want to do extra club practices. He participated each year in summer team practices and team camps. His choice....As a former coach was hard for me to swallow. How could my son be one of those kids not fully committed to the overall goal.... it caused some frustrations with expectations of doing all of the extras in the sport. I am so glad we (I) got past that...I have been so fortunate to see him love to compete in football, wrestling and baseball and do very well in school. The past two seasons, I believe he has once again found a love for the sport of wrestling...for many reasons...his coach, his team and not having his Dad expecting more dedication in the off season.

The reason I post this.....is the idea that more is not always what is better for this great sport and for the success of programs overall. We have so many great clubs in our state that are providing something special for the sport...I believe these clubs make the difference for helping our greatest wrestlers go to the next level. It also provides a great place to grow and have individual attention to be the best you can possibly be....I am definitely not saying that clubs are bad....It is just important as a coach and parent to understand what is best for that individual kid. I was recently talking to a coach at the Pulaski invite...his team is one of the best in the state and he said you would be surprised if he told me the number of kids he had that were only "in-season" wrestlers. He definitely had a good handle of what buttons to push for his guys.

Many times Dad's need those special people to help navigate through these years with their children. As coaches, I think this is something important to remember when working with parents and wrestlers. I am fortunate to have those people here in Port.

bigoil · February 05, 2018, 03:47:54 PM

Quote from: coastguard on February 05, 2018, 03:29:12 PM
It is crazy to think how fast the time has gone for my time as a wrestling parent. I was a Head Coach when my son was younger and I brought him with me to camps, freestyle tournaments and most club practices. He did not officially start wrestling in the club until 3rd grade. The first few years we went to just a couple tournaments each year and increased once he got into middle school. He had fun, met great friends and even starting doing extra club practices in late middle school. Fast forward a few years and I am no longer the coach (Principal)...Once he got into high school, he continued to play 3 sports with wrestling being one of them. He did a little bit of freestyle, but decided that he did not want to do extra club practices. He participated each year in summer team practices and team camps. As a former coach, this was hard for me to swallow and it caused some frustrations with expectations of doing all of the extras in the sport. I am so glad we got past that...I have been so fortunate to see him love to compete in football, wrestling and baseball and do very well in school. The past two seasons, I believe he has once again found a love for the sport of wrestling...for many reasons...his coach, his team and not having his Dad expecting more dedication in the off season.

The reason I post this.....is the idea of more is not always what is better for this great sport and for the better of programs overall. We have so many great clubs in our state that are providing something special for the sport...I believe these clubs make the difference for helping our greatest wrestlers go to the next level. It also provides a great place to grow and have individual attention to be the best you can possibly be....I am definitely not saying that clubs are bad....It is just important as a coach and parent to understand what is best for that individual kid. I was recently talking to a coach at the Pulaski invite...his team is one of the best in the state and he said you would be surprised if he told me the number of kids he had that were only "in-season" wrestlers. He definitely had a good handle of what buttons to push for his guys.

Many times Dad's need those special people to help navigate through these years with their children. As coaches, I think this is something important to remember when working with parents and wrestlers. I am fortunate to have those people here in Port.

Well said and great advice, thank you!

littleguy301 · February 05, 2018, 10:45:14 PM

nice post!

while sometimes as a coach and parents we have expectations of our athletes and children that they dont share as much as we do.

sometimes it is hard to swallow as a coach but I am also shocked at the amount of kids that enjoy wrestling but when the season is done they put their shoes away and call it good. sure some want to be a state champ or make it to state but when spring hits, it is track, baseball, gold or just hanging out with friends.

as a coach I have to understand that also, more as a parent.

bottom line, hopefully those kids do enjoy their time in the sport as high schooler and as a coach I think we have to help them enjoy it also.

bigG · February 06, 2018, 08:24:21 AM

I just reffed a middle school tourney last night. I couldn't have been more proud of our sport. Some tough, hard-nosed, kids who put it all out there, then I see them chewing the fat with the kids they just lost to or beat. No screaming dads, or psycho moms. It would be nice if we could continue the trend of building up at the MS level. I think the social aspect and fond memories can keep those kids in for life.

O Harris · February 06, 2018, 08:36:43 AM

It is crazy how fast time flies. I remember coaching high school wrestling practice and looking over at my son in his stroller. Fast forward to now where I am practicing with him. My son was watching wrestling before he could walk. He has learned many valuable lessons and continues to learn. I have found the freestyle and greco season a relaxed atmosphere. There is less pressure to perform and less practice time as well. He has time to spend with family and go fishing. He has made many friends outside of our small community. The WWF has done a great job of setting up and running practices. Wrestling is not for everyone, but everyone should try it. It amazes me how many people still don't understand wrestling and don't even give it a chance. As a parent, coach, and teacher I do my best to promote the sport. I am so happy my son decided to wrestle and stick with it through all the toughness the sport brings. Too many times parents let their child quit when it gets tough. The sport teaches many life lessons other sports cannot teach.

nutman · February 06, 2018, 10:18:10 AM

Great Post- Our family has been at this a long time as well. I remember once when my oldest was in fourth grade and we were driving to a tournament. He asked, "Dad, do you think this is what soldiers feel like when they are going to war?" I said, "Son, you are taking this way too seriously?" This sport has taught me a lot as a wrestler and has also exposed my weaknesses as a parent. There are times when I have felt it has robbed my kids of their childhood and stolen time from our families. When I feel like that, I have to stop and think, "What else would we be doing?" It is the one event that unites families and bring them to one place during a time period.
There is little in their adult lives that will require the same level of physiological and psychological responses as this sport. This sport has contributed to desensitizing my kids to pressure, jerks, and the risk of failure. It has also taught them a lesson that it is possible to want to destroy someone for 6 minutes, but respect them afterward. Think about how many times in our lives where we are required to have differences without taking it personally. Finally, it teaches them that the work you put into something is what you get out of it, and even if you deserve an accomplishment you still have to perform. This reflection can truly only be understood by wrestling folk.

visionquest · February 06, 2018, 11:24:15 AM

Quote from: nutman on February 06, 2018, 10:18:10 AM
Great Post- Our family has been at this a long time as well. I remember once when my oldest was in fourth grade and we were driving to a tournament. He asked, "Dad, do you think this is what soldiers feel like when they are going to war?" I said, "Son, you are taking this way too seriously?" This sport has taught me a lot as a wrestler and has also exposed my weaknesses as a parent. There are times when I have felt it has robbed my kids of their childhood and stolen time from our families. When I feel like that, I have to stop and think, "What else would we be doing?" It is the one event that unites families and bring them to one place during a time period.
There is little in their adult lives that will require the same level of physiological and psychological responses as this sport. This sport has contributed to desensitizing my kids to pressure, jerks, and the risk of failure. It has also taught them a lesson that it is possible to want to destroy someone for 6 minutes, but respect them afterward. Think about how many times in our lives where we are required to have differences without taking it personally. Finally, it teaches them that the work you put into something is what you get out of it, and even if you deserve an accomplishment you still have to perform. This reflection can truly only be understood by wrestling folk.

Great post, just like many of them from above. My son is in 3rd grade, been wrestling for a couple seasons. He has competed in only one true tournament in another town with opponents different than his practice partners from the club. That was a tough go, but he did not give up, he tried his best. That was last season. He has struggled through practices this year and I am not sure how much fun he was actually having. We haven't been to practice in a week, the wife and I thought it may be best to pull the plug for this season. We likely won't wrestle in any tournaments this year, maybe not even next year. Bottom line for me is I am trying to create the opportunity for him to be a high school wrestler, it will never happen if he is feeling miserable about it now. There is guarantee that he will be better or worse, the more he wrestles now, when he gets to the next level. I am dad first and coach second. He has a built in practice partner for life and I am his biggest fan. It's tough to watch when they struggle and tougher to know exactly when they are competition ready. I am just happy to be along for the ride!

Mommabear · February 06, 2018, 12:11:34 PM

Thank you for the great posts.

I have 2 sons. Both have wrestled since 1st grade. 1 is highly motivated, does everything and anything in and out of season to improve- will be wrestling for a D1 program next year. The other... LOVES the sport, and works very hard, but only in season. He does a team camp in the summer and open mats here and there, but he is not dedicated to the sport EXCEPT in season. This year, they are seniors, the one has been on JV the past 3 years behind excellent wrestlers, including his brother. This year, he is on varsity and doing well- he is 31-10 (I believe). He's gotten some looks from some smaller college programs, but he adamantly does not want to wrestle in college.

We had to learn early on, and it was a super tough lesson, that these boys were not motivated the same way. Had we pushed one like the other one needed and wanted to be pushed, he would have quit. Someone told us to let the kid guide us, and we have really tried to do that. Happily, he is loving his senior year of wrestling, having a great time, and most importantly, making those memories and learning those lessons to carry him through life.

visionquest · February 06, 2018, 03:23:16 PM

Quote from: Mommabear on February 06, 2018, 12:11:34 PM
Thank you for the great posts.

I have 2 sons. Both have wrestled since 1st grade. 1 is highly motivated, does everything and anything in and out of season to improve- will be wrestling for a D1 program next year. The other... LOVES the sport, and works very hard, but only in season. He does a team camp in the summer and open mats here and there, but he is not dedicated to the sport EXCEPT in season. This year, they are seniors, the one has been on JV the past 3 years behind excellent wrestlers, including his brother. This year, he is on varsity and doing well- he is 31-10 (I believe). He's gotten some looks from some smaller college programs, but he adamantly does not want to wrestle in college.

We had to learn early on, and it was a super tough lesson, that these boys were not motivated the same way. Had we pushed one like the other one needed and wanted to be pushed, he would have quit. Someone told us to let the kid guide us, and we have really tried to do that. Happily, he is loving his senior year of wrestling, having a great time, and most importantly, making those memories and learning those lessons to carry him through life.

These are such insightful stories, thanks for sharing. Everyone develops differently, early success isn't always a great determining factor!

Ghetto · February 07, 2018, 08:55:07 PM

I've done what I can to nudge my son into wrestling. I basically forced him to wrestle in the kids club and try wrestling as a middle schooler. I have tried to be unbiased and not pressure him since that initial middle school season, but I know that I've influenced him. (the wrestling mat for Christmas was just a nudge.

) He told me the other day that he was going to wrestle in high school and the happiness I got from that was over the top.

I just hope he starts to love it on his own at some point. It may not change his life like it did mine, but it certainly will make it better.

neutral · February 08, 2018, 09:37:11 AM

Quote from: Ghetto on February 07, 2018, 08:55:07 PM
I've done what I can to nudge my son into wrestling. I basically forced him to wrestle in the kids club and try wrestling as a middle schooler. I have tried to be unbiased and not pressure him since that initial middle school season, but I know that I've influenced him. (the wrestling mat for Christmas was just a nudge. ) He told me the other day that he was going to wrestle in high school and the happiness I got from that was over the top.

I just hope he starts to love it on his own at some point. It may not change his life like it did mine, but it certainly will make it better.

That's probably the greatest thing about this sport - no matter how much you put into it ... you will always get back much more. Other sports have degrees of that - but none come close.

Mommabear · February 08, 2018, 10:27:56 AM

Quote from: coastguard on February 05, 2018, 03:29:12 PM

The reason I post this.....is the idea that more is not always what is better for this great sport and for the success of programs overall. We have so many great clubs in our state that are providing something special for the sport...I believe these clubs make the difference for helping our greatest wrestlers go to the next level. It also provides a great place to grow and have individual attention to be the best you can possibly be....I am definitely not saying that clubs are bad....It is just important as a coach and parent to understand what is best for that individual kid. I was recently talking to a coach at the Pulaski invite...his team is one of the best in the state and he said you would be surprised if he told me the number of kids he had that were only "in-season" wrestlers. He definitely had a good handle of what buttons to push for his guys.

I agree with this. My boys went to LAW. Although, I consider this an "elite" club in Wisconsin, LAW is different from AWA, Advanced, etc. Membership costs are minimal ($150 for the whole folkstyle season), coaches aren't paid, virtually anyone can afford to send their kid. Yet, LAW still manages to produce some of the best kids in the State. I am in no way knocking the bigger clubs, but I think successful wrestlers can come out of the smaller clubs, too.

This brings a question to mind: What makes an elite club elite?

bronco · February 08, 2018, 01:02:20 PM

Quote from: Mommabear on February 06, 2018, 12:11:34 PM
Thank you for the great posts.

I have 2 sons. Both have wrestled since 1st grade. 1 is highly motivated, does everything and anything in and out of season to improve- will be wrestling for a D1 program next year. The other... LOVES the sport, and works very hard, but only in season. He does a team camp in the summer and open mats here and there, but he is not dedicated to the sport EXCEPT in season. This year, they are seniors, the one has been on JV the past 3 years behind excellent wrestlers, including his brother. This year, he is on varsity and doing well- he is 31-10 (I believe). He's gotten some looks from some smaller college programs, but he adamantly does not want to wrestle in college.

We had to learn early on, and it was a super tough lesson, that these boys were not motivated the same way. Had we pushed one like the other one needed and wanted to be pushed, he would have quit. Someone told us to let the kid guide us, and we have really tried to do that. Happily, he is loving his senior year of wrestling, having a great time, and most importantly, making those memories and learning those lessons to carry him through life.

Well said Kris....err Mommabear

wrastle63 · February 08, 2018, 01:19:17 PM

Quote from: Mommabear on February 08, 2018, 10:27:56 AM
Quote from: coastguard on February 05, 2018, 03:29:12 PM

The reason I post this.....is the idea that more is not always what is better for this great sport and for the success of programs overall. We have so many great clubs in our state that are providing something special for the sport...I believe these clubs make the difference for helping our greatest wrestlers go to the next level. It also provides a great place to grow and have individual attention to be the best you can possibly be....I am definitely not saying that clubs are bad....It is just important as a coach and parent to understand what is best for that individual kid. I was recently talking to a coach at the Pulaski invite...his team is one of the best in the state and he said you would be surprised if he told me the number of kids he had that were only "in-season" wrestlers. He definitely had a good handle of what buttons to push for his guys.

I agree with this. My boys went to LAW. Although, I consider this an "elite" club in Wisconsin, LAW is different from AWA, Advanced, etc. Membership costs are minimal ($150 for the whole folkstyle season), coaches aren't paid, virtually anyone can afford to send their kid. Yet, LAW still manages to produce some of the best kids in the State. I am in no way knocking the bigger clubs, but I think successful wrestlers can come out of the smaller clubs, too.

This brings a question to mind: What makes an elite club elite?

MONEY

Mommabear · February 08, 2018, 01:20:52 PM

Quote from: bronco on February 08, 2018, 01:02:20 PM
Quote from: Mommabear on February 06, 2018, 12:11:34 PM
Thank you for the great posts.

I have 2 sons. Both have wrestled since 1st grade. 1 is highly motivated, does everything and anything in and out of season to improve- will be wrestling for a D1 program next year. The other... LOVES the sport, and works very hard, but only in season. He does a team camp in the summer and open mats here and there, but he is not dedicated to the sport EXCEPT in season. This year, they are seniors, the one has been on JV the past 3 years behind excellent wrestlers, including his brother. This year, he is on varsity and doing well- he is 31-10 (I believe). He's gotten some looks from some smaller college programs, but he adamantly does not want to wrestle in college.

We had to learn early on, and it was a super tough lesson, that these boys were not motivated the same way. Had we pushed one like the other one needed and wanted to be pushed, he would have quit. Someone told us to let the kid guide us, and we have really tried to do that. Happily, he is loving his senior year of wrestling, having a great time, and most importantly, making those memories and learning those lessons to carry him through life.

Well said Kris....err Mommabear

a couple more weeks and we will be done with youth/high school wrestling. It's been one heck of a ride.